Pod and Pearl Radio Cooking Show
(Transcript of the 12/20/2014 Broadcast)
The show for pet parents who love to cook for their frurry fellows.
Pod opens up the Radio Cooking show with his usual, “Welcome, everybody, to the Pod and Pearl Radio Cooking Show, where we teach courage in the kitchen –”
and Pearl chimes in, with the ratttle of her fauz pearls against the microphone, “– and where no one sees the bottom of the bowl!”
Caller 1 rings up and says hello.
“Hello, and welcome to the Pod and Pearl Radio Cooking Show,” says Pod into his microphone, “This is Pod, from the jazz side of the kitchen, and next to me ismy colleague Pearl from the classical music side of the kitchen, both of us await your cooking question. To whom are we speaking with today?”
A caller answers, “This is Marge from Miami Beach, Florida, and I have a question about leftover liver pate from Thanksgiving that is too good to throw out. How can I reconstitute it or store it for furutre use?”
Pod asks her the litmus test question. “Does it still smell fresh?”
“Well, yes,” says Marge, but I feel it has soaked up some other odors in the fridge which were sitting nearby..some onion rings, perhaps, or salmon steak..”
“Well, the first thing you do,” says Pearl, is re-bake the entire thing in a cast – iron durch oven, just as it is, at 350 for one hour.”
“Then,” chimed in Pod, “While it is still piping hot out of the oven, weave in fresh cuts of new liver — perfectly fresh from a real butcher, not the grocery store. Just gently fold those bits into what you have leftover. Put it back it the overn at low heat — say 200 — for another 45 minutes, adding 1/3 cup spring water every 10 minutes to keep it from drying out..
Pearl added, “Aand every 10 minutes or so, open that oven door and throw on something new, like a side dish item, but squish it into the top of the pate. Perhaps some baby carrots, or diced yams, shaved heads of fresh brocolii, minced chicken giblets (raw). And then, after 30 minutes or so, pour a half pint of heavy whipping cream over the whole bang of it. Wait ten more minutes, and put on a wash of straight-up chicken broth. Let it cook for another 10 – 15 mintues, and then take it out and let cool under a tinfoil tent.
“Ow wow,” said Marge from Miami Florida,” That sounds delightful. ”
“And this time, servie it as a main dish,” said Pearl, jangling her pearls,”:Because this won’t work as a third lefotver re-tread. With liver pate, you only get one more shot at the brass ring. Thanks for calling, and good luck!”
“Thank you guys, you’re always so right on cue,” said Marge, and hung up.
Pod pronounced, “Next caller, please, I believe is” —
“__WAIT __ Hold up, Pod and Pearl,” broke in Delphine, the que Queen in Control Room One — “We have a Crisis Comfort Food caller on Line 5 who can’t wait. Go ahead, please caller on Line 5. Rux from Rexburg, Idaho..”
“Go ahead, please, Rux, we want to hear your Crisis Comfort Food question,” smoothed Pearl graciously.
“Yehup.” said Rux, choking back either a tear or a small bone. “This is Rux. See, I’m missing my best lambs. Got kinda attached last spring in the round up, and a’ course there was the parting of ways, as always is in these ranchlands…SO I’m wanting me a bottle.”
“Oh, Rux, now let’s not overdo on the drinking during the holidays, it’ll just make it worse.” Said Pod.
“No, ya gots it wrong. Not that bottle, I be missing my lamby’s bottle, bottle of milk, the creamy kind, the kind that puts ’em to sleep when thur ma’s teats is all dry for the night. The hay bales, the midnight sky, the way the cream sticks to my chops and whiskas and all…But I’m a ranch hand, and them lamb are gone for the season. And I be hankering me for a botle a’ that.”
“Well,” siad Pod, who knows a little or two things about a hankering, “Here’s what you do. Get out a box of powdered milk from the snow-in kit, and mix it with a little water from the stall water trough. Sit on it for a half an hour till it gets warm from your side, and picks up yhe scent of the barn, and then pour it down like it came from a cow’s teat squirted across the milking bay. Remember your lambs and how they – a whole new patch are coming right around the corner, and dream on that under the moon. Ok?”
“Dream on it, Rux,” repeated Pearl, in her matron’s purr. “We’re here for you. And spring’s blessings are right around the moonshine, so to speak.”
“Ok, fellas and ma’ams, sure appreciate whatcha all do, I’ll give it a go.”
And Rux hung up, next caller Line 1 was ready at the get go.
A sandpaper voice witha slightly lined with haute couture voice got online.
“Yeah, this is Cleo calling from Michigan,” she hacked a smoker’s hack,” and I’ve collected, I dunno, about 5 or 8 take out dinner boxes from the steak house dumpster across the road, and also went and got a food bank box from the food bank, and I just don’t know how to put all these ingredients together for a holiday meal for the stray cats and dogs along my side on the sub division. Y’know what i mean? I mean, it all looks fine, and smells great, but how’dya make a meal out of it?”
Pod was the first to respond. “Tell me the 3 most common ingredients of those take- out styrofoam things you found in the garbage. Then tell me the first 5 ingredients that catch your eye in the food bank box. Don’t think about it, just go –”
The once sultry, now growly voice, rattled it off, “Well, burrito ends, hamburger patty rinds, and drip cheese. And then from the food bank box, there’s a sack of oatmeal, a can of chicken broth, and instant japanese noodles.”
“Okay, perfect, I got this one,” interceded Pearl, smooth as silk, ” Here’s what you do: Boil up the instant japanese noodles in half chicken broth, half water and all the cheese drippings you can peel off. Mince the patty rinds and stir in as they cook. That’s your soup course. Now, those burrito ends can add a real sexy edge to this meal. Here’s what you do: Run them quickly through cold water, just to re-moisten a bit. Then, break open the ends just enough to see a tad of the filling. That’s because you want the air and scent to flow through. Now, rub some of that japanese noodle broth over the tortilla shell of the burrito end and immediatley put into a high oern — 425 or so or even on broil — but watch it closely because it will crisp and brown very quickly and you are in dange of Burned Burrito tips.
“Use these like you would toast points. What’s in the botttom of your food bank box? Any pototatoes or rice?
“There’s box of chicken flavored instant stuffing and a can of pears.”
“There you have it” cried Pearl, solver of the puzzle, “There’s our sweet and savory dish — cook up the stuffing and use the burrito toast points to accent the plate. Then warm the can of pear halves over a can of sterno — not hot, but warmed, and drizzl the juice just lightly over the chicken stuffing and serve up one or two pear halves on the side as a desert faire accent.”
“You are on your way to a fine holiday feast, my friend,” Pod spoke into the microphone, “and that’s our show for tonight. Thank you to our callers, and remember, next week is Hidden Holiday Lefotver Puzzler hour so tune in after Christmas and join in the fun, but remember, have courage in the kitchen, and –”
Pearl came in on cue, “Let no one see the bottom of the bowl.”
Ener clowing theme music and segeway to next radio show.
Pod and Pearl say thank you to all those who give to Food Banks and the Pongo Fund.
It’s a cat, ho wears a diaamond chip bracelet for a collar and travels on a lace leash.
Pod says make a gravy from a goose pan drippings, Pearl says no, serve it chilled with wild rice and rolled up around a sardine filling.
This leads to a debate about mixing fish with fowl, and if pan drippings are too fatty for gravies and why not just use the dry packets anyway.
In the end, the caller had eaten all the liver pate on toast tips while on the call and it didn’t matter either way, she didn’t care for her guests and they could bring a tossed salad and that would be the end of it.
Pod and Pearl ended their radio show with a big shout-out to all those who crontibute to the Food Bank for Peoles and Pets, and until next time, when the New Year and New Cuisine is upon us, “Let no one see the bottom of the bowl,” said Pearl, and form Pod, “Courage In The Kitchen, peoples!”